Q&A: From Corporate Editor & Doula to Prayerful Poet & Birth Guardian
Kaitlin shares her journey into doula work, and dives in to the deep truths of what it really means to serve modern women in the psychedelic realms of birth and mothering.
I came across Kaitlin’s website back in 2020 when I was quarantined in my Brooklyn apartment looking for doulas to connect with on my next trip home. The way she expressed herself as a doula and mother drew me in. Years later, we serendipitously met at a birth story circle. We were the only women who mentioned “birthkeeper” in our introductions and we exchanged numbers immediately after it ended. It was an “Oh my gosh, it's you!” moment. Since then we have been nurturing a friendship, attending births together, hosting sister circles, and dreaming big of what modern birth care could and should look like.
Kaitlin is a homeschooling mother of three, active in both the writing community and birth community in Ventura County. You will often find her with prayer beads around her neck, tending to her cats and hummingbirds, and putting roses in vases. Guided by her muse, Mother Mary, Kaitlin is deeply rooted in her spiritual practice and committed to her relationships with God, nature, and women.
Q: What path were you on when you initially decided to become a doula?
A: I was on the path of becoming a mother to my first daughter, and I was attempting to dutifully follow this path while simultaneously maintaining loyalty to my full-time job in publishing.
Lorelei, my surprise firstborn, was born in 2012, a little over one year after I graduated college. I was 22 years old and working my first “real” job as a paid intern for a few months before getting a promotion. When I returned to my job three months postpartum, I was treated completely differently. I was horrified at the way my rights were violated, the ways I was spoken to and about, the way my baby was treated as a threat to my boss’ ability to rely on me…it was an extremely traumatic experience that amplified the siren song of my sister wound, a wound that very much wanted to be seen and healed.
One day, while sitting anxiously in my cubicle trying to plan my escape, I realized with complete clarity that I was being called to teach women about their rights as mothers – both in their birth place and their workplace. I wanted to help them and prepare them for what was to come. Everything in my life began to align in such a way that I was able to quit my job after receiving a paid leave for extreme stress (this was a consolation leave that was given to me when my workplace realized they had neglected to give me an extra six months of leave that I was entitled to), find a part time replacement job to take the edge off the financial loss, and build a birth-centered business.
Q: Have you always had an affinity for birth and service, even before you became a mother?
A: I have always held deep compassion for mothers in my heart, and this has consistently been reflected in my behavior and choices. My own mother had a profound impact on me for a variety of reasons. I saw her overcome health challenges that seemed scary and insurmountable. I wanted nothing more than to see her thrive, and I loved caring for her in the ways that I could. She, along with my Catholic school upbringing, introduced me to the ways of living a life devoted to service. This is something I am very grateful for.
Growing up, I was fascinated by pregnancy and babies. I always had a baby doll that I was caring for and eagerly offered to care for baby cousins whenever I was near them. TLC’s A Baby Story was my favorite reality show, followed by 16 And Pregnant on MTV. Birth was a very magnetic topic for my psyche. I wanted to know it intimately. The mystery was exciting, and the babies were so, so special. This is how I felt until my first acid trip, where I found myself sitting next to a pregnant woman in a small restaurant. Her energy was so powerful that it frightened me, and this idea of a human hidden within her came across as a very sci-fi thing indeed. And then, two years later, I found myself pregnant and completely filled with terror and shame. The fear soon turned to wide-eyed curiosity when I learned that no one was disappointed in me for getting pregnant accidentally at age 22. Rather, everyone was pretty excited! I immediately felt at ease with each hug and congratulations I received. I couldn’t wait for the experience of pregnancy to unfold. What was waiting for me on the other side of birth? The answer was profound, and it continues endlessly as I move forward on my mothering path.
Q: How did you get started as a doula?
A: At first I thought I’d focus solely on teaching childbirth classes, and thus pursued certification through CAPPA in that area alone. On the weekend of my training, two things happened. The first is that I conceived my second daughter, Isla. The second is that a seed was planted in regard to the type of doula work I could do. A fellow attendee suggested postpartum doula work could be a really good fit for me, and our trainer made it known that we needed to attend two births in a support role before we could receive our CBE certifications. In that moment, I committed to going deeper into my calling as a protector of mothers. I was soon registered for a CAPPA postpartum doula training and I offered myself as a pro bono birth doula to three women in my life who were expecting their first babies in 2014.
I then birthed Isla in 2015, quit my part time job in 2017 (it too became highly toxic after returning from maternity leave), and supercharged my doula business so much so that I was completely booked with clients within just a few months of marketing myself. I then attended a Birthing From Within workshop and was invited to support the organization with the re-envisioning of its structure as well as to serve on its board of directors. During that time I participated in the Innate Traditions Postpartum Care certification program, which I completed in 2020. I also did the Innate Traditions Physiologic Baby Care course which beautifully compliments the postpartum work that I do.
I’ve been doing birth and postpartum work consistently for about a decade now.
Q: How would women find you at first?
A: I remember spending night after night working on my website into the midnight hours. I was completely devoted to perfecting its content, making it beautiful, making it SEO friendly, making it findable on Google. I did everything I could to infuse it with truth and love. I believe my efforts paid off because I was one of the first doula websites to come up when googling doulas in Ventura County for years. My clients were very supportive of me and wrote me testimonials and Yelp reviews. After the first few months of service and publishing of positive feedback, almost every client said they chose to seek my support because of my website and Yelp. Many expressed that it was my website specifically that pulled them in right away. It served as a lighthouse of sorts. I used this feedback to build my business even more by offering web design services to other doulas for a few years.
Word of mouth and message boards are also ways that women find me, and I have had quite a few repeat clients as well. The most exciting way that women have found me is prayer. I have been told a handful of times by mothers that they prayed about finding a specific type of support person, and then they found me. This happens more often now that my support has taken on a more spiritual nature. It feels like divine intervention, and the outcomes are powerful.
Q: What were your clients mostly wanting from you as their doula?
A: My clients mostly wanted me to have their backs and prepare them thoroughly for the challenges that birthing in the system presents. Nearly all of them wanted to keep their birth and mothering experience as natural as possible, and they wanted to minimize interference from nurses, overbearing family, etc. They wanted me to protect them and to guide them on the path that was best for their family. I was often told that my words alone served as medicine and helped my clients feel courageous and capable. There were many nights spent breaking spells over text messages. Never underestimate the power of your faith in women and the greater powers of the universe that speak through you to them in their moments of doubt.
Q: How did you manage burnout when you were attending births in the system? How sustainable is this career path?
A: The reason I speak of my work as a doula, specifically, in the past tense is because the career path – when done properly – is not sustainable. What do I mean by “done properly”? I mean that when you actually step into your power as a guardian of birth, a postpartum protectress, and an advocate for mothers, you are stepping into battle with the medical industrial complex. Trainings as they stand today do NOT prepare you adequately for this aspect of the work, so doulas are blindsided by the intensity and forced to learn on the job.
I took my role very seriously. These mothers and families were counting on me to protect them and teach them so that they could avoid harm and trauma. There was no way I was going to allow anyone to lie to them, mistreat them, or negatively impact their baby’s well being. My commitment to my clients made my job very intense in a way that was detrimental to my health.
Unfortunately, the system is so flawed and loyal to outdated policies that it is nearly impossible to shift protocol without entering warrior mode. Again, this is the case if you’re doing the work properly. Many doulas are providing surface level support where, instead of going deep with their clients and working to protect the true essence of birth as a multifaceted transformational experience, they are remaining transactional and “unbiased” about what it really means to give birth in a system that doesn’t actually know birth. It was this disconnect that fueled the fire of my eventual burnout. I began to experience secondary trauma at every birth I was attending because of the voracity with which nurses, obstetricians, and licensed midwives would shut down the choices my clients were making. Not only were these shutdowns verbal and energetic, but they were often physical. Abuse is an understatement when attempting to find words to describe what I witnessed.
When I spoke about my concerns and experiences to fellow doulas, they would act unsurprised and unmoved. I learned that many obstetricians were known for their cruel techniques and manipulation (one such OB was nicknamed “The Badger” because of the way she used her hands to pull babies out of mothers), and yet these doulas weren’t spreading the word about which providers were and weren’t safe to work with when birthing at our local hospitals and birth centers. They weren’t telling mothers, nor were they telling the new doulas supporting families in our area. This disgusted and angered me.
Towards the end of my time as a full time doula, it got to a point where trauma was physically manifesting in my body. I would begin to shake uncontrollably when a client told me she was in labor and would have to treat my anxiety with cannabis to be able to hold space properly. Cannabis really saved me at this time in my career. It kept me connected to Spirit, and I received a lot of angelic support in birthing spaces when cannabis was a part of my self care ritual. It was a feminine balm for my hurting soul and body. I also received EMDR treatments to process a few of the more traumatic births I witnessed and it was very effective.
The only way to truly deal with the burnout, though, was to stop taking on clients who were choosing to birth in the system despite learning about how the system works. This was a very hard call to make, and it was eventually made for me by the COVID regulations that were put into place in the early 2020s, when birthing women were forced to choose between their partners and their doulas due to the one-person limit that was being enforced by hospitals and birth centers. Once these rules eased up I attempted to go back to my role, but I couldn’t do it. I knew better and it was time to step into a role that would bring about actual change.
Q: How did you heal from the trauma you witnessed and experienced?
A: I am still healing. Healing is not a linear process, it is quite multidimensional and all over the place. I often revisit old stories and find different aspects of them that were waiting their turn to be transmuted from pain into love. My healing process has included quitting social media, honoring my body’s needs for rest whenever they are communicated to me (being on call while pregnant and while nursing babies is beyond exhausting and unnatural), unapologetically committing to my creative and spiritual practices, writing daily, standing up to abusers, receiving energy work and body work, eating only nourishing foods, singing all the time, and allowing myself to cry and grieve when the tears insist on spilling. Essentially, I purposefully avoided distraction and dissociation, and I chose to face the truth of all I had experienced and learned since becoming a mother while also serving mothers. This was heavy, but it was necessary, and I found the strength to do what needed to be done to bring balance back to my inner world.
I also found our relationship, Chandley, to be deeply healing. Finally, I had found another doula who saw what I saw and had similar dreams as me when it came to doing better for mothers. And now, we’re doing it! There is so much healing that happens when you take action intentionally in the interest of love and life – especially in the company of a beloved sister. I’m very grateful for our friendship and our collaborative spirits.
Q: How did you make the shift from attending births in the system to attending births out of the system, and why?
A: The last birth I attended in the system was especially traumatic for me. I was verbally assaulted by my client’s midwife after asking questions about her transfer recommendation. She kicked me out of the room and insisted I not be a part of any conversations she had with my client. All of this after she spent a good amount of time insulting my client (to me!) behind her back in her birth center waiting room. This midwife used vulgar language to spew doubt into my client’s birthing space. My heart broke listening to her talk to me, and I was offended that she thought I wanted to engage. I didn’t.
Of course, I wasn’t surprised by her behavior, but I also wasn’t going to stand for it, hence why I was kicked out of her space. In this moment, I knew that enough was enough. My efforts were to be directed elsewhere because those who are a part of the system via licensure care more about their ego and profit than the women who hire them. They will do anything to shut down anyone who questions their (imagined) authority.
For a few years now I have been mentoring mothers who choose to birth outside of the system. They often birth in solitude or with only their partner present, though they know I am just a phone call away if they feel a need for my physical presence. So far that need only presents in the postpartum time, which is the entire point of the sovereign birth movement. Mothers need to be left undisturbed, uninterrupted, and unfucked with if they are to have the best chance at experiencing real birth on their terms as MOTHER.
The energy surrounding this type of authentic birthkeeping is wildly different from the energy surrounding doula work in the system. One is life giving while the other is soul sucking. One is clear and true while the other is murky and manipulative. One centers the mother while the other gaslights her into submission. I wanted no part of the misogynistic model of “care.” My relationship with the Great Mother prepared me for making the difficult choice to reroute away from industrialized birth and toward sovereign birth. It has been a miraculous shift overall and I am very excited for what the future holds for me as a birthkeeper, for the realm of birth work, and for all mothers.
Q: Now that you know what you know, how and when do you think women should learn about birth?
A: I have a LOT to say about this topic and have written pages and pages about different ways we could structure and present birth education. It is my intention to publish a lot of that content here at The Mother Well.
I believe that it is our responsibility as a collective – men and women alike – to know the true ways of undisturbed birth, whether we want to have children of our own or not. It is a survival skill at the most basic level, and it is also our birthright as human beings who ourselves were born, and who possess the power to create new life.
Ignoring birth until it is an imminent event makes no sense, for birth is such a vast mystery that it cannot become truly known within a few short months. Parents should understand that it is their responsibility to teach their children about birth and what is required for a birth to unfold as naturally as possible. Why? Because they experienced birth alongside their baby and need to be able to speak to them about that experience. Parents need to understand the way their baby’s birth experience will impact them for the rest of their lives so that they can both prevent and heal trauma. Birth is meant to be family-centered, and so it should also be family-taught.
Additionally, parents need to pass birthing wisdom down for the benefit of future generations. Knowing birth is a way of protecting our grandchildren, great grandchildren, and so forth, and it is a way of healing the generations who came before us, too. It is both spiritually and scientifically proven that our birth experiences shape us in very potent ways, affecting both our physical and mental health. We cannot ignore this, and we must reclaim the knowledge that was stolen from us long, long ago so as to prevent further unnecessary trauma from embedding itself in the bodies of parents and babies. Our world reflects a severe lack of reverence for birth and it is beyond time to change that.
Sadly, the knowledge families seek out at the last minute continues to be hidden behind paywalls, smoke, and mirrors. This is so wrong, and I was a part of perpetuating this until I realized what was going on. It is now my belief that the future of childbirth education is not more eight-week series and exorbitantly priced online programs, nor is it free classes provided by hospitals. The future of childbirth education takes place at home and is directly transmitted from parents to children over many years.
Like a game of ancestral telephone, we must seek this knowledge out as a means of righting a wrong (the suppression of birth wisdom and authentic midwifery being the “wrong”) and then give this knowledge freely to one another as a gift. The new era of childbirth education isn’t rooted in capitalism. It is rooted in relationships, love, and generosity. In fact, I don’t think childbirth education (or much other birth and postpartum work) should ever have been commoditized. The work I do now aims to dismantle the notion of birth professionals and return birth to the people. Wise women are still very relevant, but not “professionals.” For-profit childbirth education classes should become an unnecessary offering in the coming years, for not knowing birth will be a thing of the past.
In the meantime, I encourage all women to explore birth through a variety of lenses – primarily through the women they know personally, books, and podcasts. As supportive as social media can be in regard to info sharing, it is too toxic of a place to dwell for too long (and learning birth requires a good amount of dwelling). I do not recommend learning about birth through Instagram. Many of the books that moved me are listed in The Mother Well’s virtual bookshop if anyone cares to do some browsing. A massive resource guide is in the works as well. Stay tuned.
I also encourage women to step into the role of birthkeeper for their community. It doesn’t mean they need to attend a bunch of births or become a professional midwife at all. You don’t need to charge any money. But you can open your mind to this idea that we are all meant to know birth because we are human. It isn’t a niche interest. It’s part of how we all got here to begin with. Birth is in our bones. Midwifery is in our bones. Feel into it and see what comes of opening your mind to a deeper understanding of birth as it relates to the preservation of humanity.
Q: What influenced your choice to birth your first two children in the hospital?
A: Money and ignorance. Insurance didn’t cover home births or birth centers, and I believed that if I knew how to navigate birth in the system I could protect myself from harm. All I had to do was say “no” to things I didn’t want and I’d be listened to. I was very wrong, and my second hospital birth was very traumatic despite the fact that I was a trained birth professional at that point. That experience changed everything about the way I viewed hospital birth. The system doesn’t hear “no.” They will overstep your boundaries for the sake of protocol nearly every time.
Q: What influenced your choice to freebirth your third child?
A: I chose freebirth at 34 weeks pregnant after communing with my baby, Metzli, in a spiritual realm, and acknowledging my oracular gifts. I knew in my deep center that she needed to be born freely at home. I also knew that freebirthing was the only way I could truly know birth; I had to experience it fully and free of anyone else’s fears, projections, and protocols for it to be pure. I needed to reclaim birth with my body, mind, and spirit so that I could become the mother and birthkeeper that I longed to be.
I was initially working with midwives whom I knew personally, but it became obvious that their loyalty was still to their regulations and licensure, not me and my well being. Every time I tried to envision my birth with them present, all I could see was my husband locking them out of our room and using his body to block the bathroom door where I was hiding.
At my final prenatal appointment, I saw one of my midwives roll her eyes when I expressed that I was still concerned about possibly being pregnant with twins. It didn’t matter if I was wrong about this fear; her dismissive energy did not belong in my space, so I removed it by letting the midwives go. In the end, I birthed Metzli on my bedroom floor with the door wide open and my husband positioned behind me to catch her upon emergence. It was the freest and most powerful I have ever felt in my entire life. You can read that birth story here.
Q: How are you showing up now in birth and postpartum spaces, and what is your favorite way to serve mothers?
A: This year is the first year since having Metzli that I am finally able to immerse myself in birth and postpartum work again. I couldn’t help but recommit to this path after a few years of taking a step back because it is what I am meant to do.
My favorite way to serve mothers is by helping them to truly believe in themselves, and by holding space as a devoted witness to their transformation. I enjoy being able to provide them with peace of mind, especially by keeping their babies calm and comfortable in the postpartum time so that their mothers can bathe, sleep, and eat. The simplicity of such a complex growth process happening for both mother and baby has been beautiful to learn and accept. It is a sacred honor to be in the presence of birth and to be in the homes of women who have just given birth. I am blessed to do what I do, and to give what I give, and to receive what I receive.
I recently updated my website and business overall to reflect my latest offerings. They include:
full spectrum birth and postpartum education
consulting for mothers experiencing acute overwhelm in the immediate postpartum time
mentorship for mothers who want to go deeper into their motherhood experience
prayerful postpartum sessions and bespoke blessings personally written for those who desire them
I have so much to offer now that I have spiritually expanded as a woman and mother. My passions for writing, prayer, and mothercare have been commingling for four straight years now, and these listed offerings are what they have become. They are unique and they are filled with love and devotion to the new era of motherhood, an era where mothers are connected to Spirit for the sake of their health and well being. Many are available virtually or can be shifted as such, and all of them are open for alternative payment arrangements if needed. My aim is to keep them accessible to all mothers as much as I possibly can. I am so happy to be working with mothers to this extent again.
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